Top 3 Things my 6 and 4 year old learned this week:
- At the skate park there was a teenager who was saying a few choice words when he was mad. Knight runs up to me and says: “Did you hear that kid. He said: S-H-I-T. I know what S-H-I-T spells. Did you hear him say: S-H-I-T Mom?” So naturally I say: ”You know Knight, spelling the word is just as bad as saying it.” So he said: “You mean if I spell S-H-I-T it is as bad as saying, shit?” I give up….
- I was having a conversation in the car with Beau which happened to include the word Tampon. Knight, sitting in the back seat yells out: “What’s a tampon?” Beau quickly replied, “Tampons are used when you have nose bleeds.” And from the peanut gallery, Ann Marie yells out with urgency: “MOM, you need to go to the store and get me some tampons in case I get a nose bleed!”
- The other night Beau was going on a date. Just after she left Knight says with a smirk on his face: “I know what she is going to do on her date.” I said: ” Oh yeah? what?” Knight says: “She is going to shake it for him (and then he goes into full singing and dancing mode) singing: “Country girl, shake if for me girl, shake it for me girl, shake it for me.” Um, let me tell you… there better not be any country girl shaking anything for anyone!
They are broken.
Not broken like bent and I can jimmy them back into place… Broken like totally smashed and one whole lens is shattered, kind of broken.
Who did this?
Last night just before bed I put my glasses on the TV stand upstairs in my bedroom. My glasses were discovered downstairs this morning by my husband in front of the sliding glass door, they were shattered.
Ovbiously there is a sneaky robber who loves messing with people by breaking into their homes, stealing nothing and breaking their glasses just to be a total asshole. Ok, that may be a little far-fetched.
That leaves only one other thing…
I know it was him. He was pissed at me because last night he was honeying up to me as I was trying to fall asleep and I threw him off my bed. I can totally see him carrying my glasses downstairs, climbing on top of the highest cabinet then dropping my glasses just to seek revenge. I am posting an ad in the paper.
Got a colon cancer family history?
My grandmother, died of colon cancer, and this year my mother was diagnosed with appendix cancer (not only a form of colon cancer but an extraordinarily rare cancer). Fortunately, with divine intervention they caught it very early. My mother is in treatment and with all kinds of hope and prayers – she will remain cancer free for the rest of her life!
Ok, back to me…. What does this all mean for me (and my siblings)? It means earlier screening for colon cancer. At the ripe ole age of 29 43 I scheduled my first colonoscopy. I am the kind of person who does not fret or worry about most things until moments before I actually have to finally think about them. Which meant I did not even pick up my prescription for my prep kit until the day I had to prep. AMEN.
Sunday: Prep Day
No food unless it is clear. Which means I could eat Jello, popsicles, juice, and soup broth. I was stuffed the whole day!
2:00 PM – begin drinking prep. Which consists of a gallon of some kind of goodness. I had to drink 8 oz every 10 to 15 minutes until I drank a half gallon. Have you ever tried to drink a half gallon of vomit flavored liquid? Not gonna lie, it was tough.
I will say it people…. This magic juice will cleans you in a rapid way! I don’t know why people mess around with week-long all natural ‘cleanses’? To me that is like choosing to fly or drive across the country.
3:00 AM – Drink the other half gallon of the prep. Really? What is left…. I am not sure this step was necessary. But I did as told and promptly vomited half of what I drank.
8:00 AM – The procedure. I was put under in a sleeping sedation but not a heavy sedation like you have during surgery.
Next thing I remember, I woke up with a cigarette in my mouth… Ahh must have been good. Too bad I cannot remember.
In all seriousness, the procedure was easy, from the prep (the worst part was trying to drink such a large amount of liquid in a short period of time), to the procedure – easy peasy!
And you know what…. This simple easy procedure can save your life.
If I was a critic, I would give this experience a 10 due to the ease and assurance factors. As devastating as colon cancer can be when not detected early, it would be silly not to add this to your experience of a lifetime.
In 24 days Beau is off to Africa. She will be spending 12 days on a mission trip in Senegal. My 16 year old has the opportunity to learn firsthand how to truly appreciate what she has, how privileged we are in America and how to have compassion for all human life. This is not anything she can learn simply from reading about it. This experience will be the ultimate of all experiences in her lifetime.
I cannot even begin to count the times in a single day that I complain about some ‘first world problem’. At times I wish I was going on a mission trip to bring my privileged ass back down to earth and realize how silly my life’s complaints really are. Like, my coffee this morning was not waking me up enough. I sit here in my huge heated home, with a fridge and pantry full of food, a phone in one hand and a computer on my lap. It is actually really disgusting when you get right down to it.
Can you imagine not eating for days? I mean REALLY imagine having nothing to eat for days at a time. How many times do you look at the clock and think, I am starving and I still have an hour before lunch.
An HOUR people….
Can you imagine walking a few hours to get a gallon of water? How many times have you thought, man I wish this coffee shop had a drive through so I don’t have to get my privileged ass out of my car.
What? Get out of my car and go in?
Can you imagine watching your child dying of starvation? That is unthinkable and an impossible place to mentally go.
We are a privileged society. While we (yes I have done my share of complaining about this) complain about healthcare and how we don’t get this or how we are entitled to that, many people in other countries have never even see a doctor. They die from simple, treatable diseases.
While we sit in our big houses complaining about being too cold, being too hot, not having: a drive thru Starbucks close by, a newer model car, more money, better healthcare, more toys for our kids, a new ipad, a new phone, a house cleaner to clean our mess, etc. People from within our country and from around the world fight every day to live another day.
We are finger pointers and non-doers. That being said….. I think I feel a mission trip in my future. I need a ‘bring me back to earth’ experience that hopefully will ultimately change my perspective.
I am incredibly proud of Beau and her courageousness for going into a country where she has to get shots for diseases we don’t even have and most of us have never heard of. She is going to change someone’s life, to make it better for them. I believe she will come back changed herself.
Ever notice while waiting for the doctor how nearly everyone under the age of 80 is on their cell phones? NOT talking on their phones, that is just weird, but texting, cruising the internet, tweeting their wiener, checking mail, and of course – checking their status on Facebook. Then suddenly you realize, oh my gosh – I am ‘these’ people. You’ve assumed the exact same position, head down, hand up, thumb positioned precisely from maximum scroll capability.
Suddenly, your lips are pursed and you sheepishly put away your phone vowing not to be ‘these’ desperate and addicted to technology Facebook people. You are clearly above their status. Your phone goes in your pocket, only moments later you begin the mega anxiety phase of withdrawal. You posted something like five minutes ago and now your phone is alone, in the dark cold depths of your pocket. The anxiety builds and excuses of importance start to self generate inside your head. ‘These’ people are just checking their status, but what I just posted was indeed very important so it will be OK for me to check, just once and really quick. Completely justified, you take your cell from your pocket and check your Facebook just one more time. Not because you are ‘these’ people, who are completely hopeless without their technology, but because what you posted was of actual importance. Right? I am sure they would all agree with you…
5. Knight had a hole in his undies today about 1/2 inch in diameter. By lunch time, the majority of his butt cheeks were showing. How do I know? He is a little man, walks around the house in his unders. He spend the entire day with his back side hangin’ out and every now and then would put his hands on his hips and do a bootie shake.
4. Ann Marie did not say anything embarrassing to strangers out in public. Amen.
3. I am the oldest person hangin’ at the skate park. Only because Knight and Ann Marie insist on going there everyday and riding their scooters. I just make sure to yell out to them every now and then so people don’t think I am a weirdo cougar on the prowl.
2. Being 4 is really hard. Being a 43 year old mother of a 4 year old fit thrower in the grocery store is probably harder than being the 4 year old.
1. Since we got the trampoline I have found myself on more than one occasion asking the kids if they want to “go out and jump on the tramp”. There is something seriously wrong with me.
I admit I may have been wrong once or twice in my life. In my mind the thought of taking my 3 and 5 year old to Disneyland was an utter nightmare waiting to happen. I realize Disneyland is designed with little ones in mind, but we all know what tired, hungry, and overstimulated 3 and 5 year olds are like. I took a risk and for New Year’s we had the opportunity to do the Disneyland adventure with our kids. I once said, I will NEVER take my kids to Disneyland, I ate those words…
It was the BEST vacation I have ever had.
First off, we road tripped it from our home in Colorado to California. We loaded up the Ford Flex with the greatest educational toys ever – the LeapPad2. These kept the kids entertained (and educationally entertained) for hours in the car. We had a movie player that was rarely used the entire way. And at the end of the vacation before heading back to Colorado we logged onto our LeapFrog account and downloaded new games and books for the ride back. Seriously I love it when I find a toy that is completely worth the price and then some.
The first night we spent in Las Vegas, Ah-Hem….did I mention Vegas is NOT for children. I remember a few years ago commercials that promoted Vegas as a “Family Affair”, clearly the promoters had no children. We drove down the strip at a way-too-slow pace because of all the traffic and stop lights and let me tell you – we could not get out of there fast enough. Knight was giggling in the back seat while watching the electronic billboards of scantily clad women dancing on screen, he was yelling: INAPPROPRIATE…INAPPROPRIATE. Lets just chalk that one up as a teaching moment.
Rise and shine and off we went early in the AM again (early is the best when traveling with little ones). Only 4 hours to go. The kids were beyond excited and I was an anxious wreck sure we were about to embark on countless meltdowns at Disneyland.
Upon arrival the kids were in complete awe, the Disney tagline couldn’t be more true: The Happiest Place On Earth. As we walked along Main Street the kids were nearly speechless. You could literally see their minds working without them saying a single word. They were awestruck.
Next stop, Mickey’s Toontown. We met Mickey, Minnie, Goofy and Pluto. We walked through all the characters houses, took pictures with them and gave each character a great big hug (except there was no way Knight was not going to give Minnie a hug, she is a girl and that is gross). Then the magic began. Knight started asking a barrage of questions. Like, where do you think Mickey and Minnie go grocery shopping? Do you think they have sleepover’s? Do you think they go to the beach for fun? The questions were endless and frankly, downright adorable!
The kids went on strong the whole day, without a single meltdown. From the time we left our house in Colorado until the time we returned home – this vacation goes down as the best vacation ever. I feel blessed to have been able to provide this experience for my children. It is a reminder of how precious our imagination is and the sweet innocence of child’s mind.
What was your best vacation ever? How do you entertain your children on road trips?
Is that what I just heard? Oh please tell me I heard those words! Did I misinterpret? No… cannot be. I am 99.99% sure I heard a “you’re right Mom”. This may very well be one of the single best Mother’s Day ever. How often as a mother have you heard those words?
What am I right about? Or maybe it wasn’t “You’re Right”. It was more like: “Wow Mom, I respect you about a million times over”. Actually, I am slightly exaggerating, it wasn’t a million times over but the word respect was definitely said.
What am I babbling about?
Today, Kaitlyn told me how much she respects me as a mother. More so than ever because she is now a mother of an almost 2-year old. She says: “Being a mom is really hard, and you make it look easy”.
I melted inside.
Being a mother frequently feels like wading through mud with rubber boots that are 3 times to big. Impossible to take a step forward without stepping out of your boots in the mud. You tug, pull, and yank one boot and finally free one foot, plant it firmly one step ahead only to have to tug, pull and yank all over again on the other foot. It is slow going and sometimes you are not sure you will make it through. But all the while you know you have to continue, if not for yourself, for your child. You do it over and over and over again not even knowing if trudging through the mud is doing a dang thing. Does what you’re doing really matter?
Today, I know. I know all the trudging, tugging, pulling and yanking was worth every second of all the incredibly difficult times (and with this girl – there was MORE than plenty of trudging).
All worth it. Parenting is hard, its rewarding, its discouraging, its draining, its a crazy mental game with inside and outside influences. You are wrong if you…., you are right if you…., your child will suffer if you… Parenting nowadays with media and information at our fingertips is a constant barrage of do it this way, don’t do this, feed your kids this, or buy them that.
She is right, parenting is hard. You are pushed to your limit and beyond at least 10 times a day. The rewards are unbelievable, but some days you’re not sure there will be any.
And she is doing it alone. Working and enrolled in college full-time is not easy – period – but doing it with a child is downright difficult. She does it, she trudges through that same mud, with those over-sized boots, in the name of motherhood. Because she knows, like I did, inside her heart, its working. Slowly, she is shaping, guiding, and loving beyond what she ever thought was possible.
Over the years I have realized children always love you, even when they think they don’t. They watch you, mock you, and then one day model you. You are never perfect, you make mistakes, you learn and move on. Raising a child is defeating and triumphant.
I love mothering my children, even through the mud while wearing really big boots.
This weeks Kid Quotes:
- Knight: “Mom, I am chewing on my mucus. It’s pretty fun and actually doesn’t taste that bad.” (Um gross!)
- Ann Marie: “I wish I had a penis instead of a vagina.” (um…ok…)
- Ann Marie: “Mom, you’re a sugar mama.” (how did she know?)
- Knight: “Mom, you want to be a millionaire so freakin bad.” (my kids have some killer ESP)
On a positive note, none of the really embarrassing quotes were said in public. I will say, plenty, and I mean way more than any mother’s fair share of quotes, about our dog’s penis have been shared by Ann Marie to anyone with a dog whom she encounters along our hikes. Do they make kid muzzles?