The Lone Bottle of Water

On December 11, 2015, in Mom, by Jennifer McPherson

Here is something your parents NEVER tell you about having kids. One word…  water bottle



This story is about the single water bottle and a 45 minute road trip.  The hubs and I load the kids in the truck to drive 45 minutes away – to where?? I don’t even remember… and honestly it doesn’t matter. One important fact I do remember is: we only had ONE – UNO – UN – EINS.  That is singular – 1 lone water bottle.  I know, most of you at this point surely are gasping at the sheer thought of loading two children into a car and driving 45 minutes with only 1 water bottle. What kind of mother am I?

Do you know what this singular water bottle represents to an 8 and 6 year old brother and sister?  Let me enlighten you….

A singular water bottle, in a close confined space, where BOTH of your parents cannot escape represents the biggest winning moment for sibling children ever!  If there was some kind of Star Wars mind degeneration power, a single water bottle in a car owns it!

We are 5 minutes into our journey when one of the two mid size humans discovers the single water bottle sitting peacefully in the cup holder of the truck.

Seeing the water, Ann Marie says: “I am thirsty.”

I oblige her by handing back the bottle of water which she promptly begins to guzzle.  Here is where the word – Competition – comes into play.  Instantly, Knight realizes he is nearly on deaths bed because he is desperately dehydrated and needs a drink instantly in order to survive a single minute longer.

He yells:  “Don’t drink it all, I want some too! I haven’t drank anything ALL day and need some water right this second.”

To which then Ann Marie begins to chug-a-lug faster than a frat boy with a beer bong.

I, of course intervene (which of course is their plan ALL the Fudge Along!).

I say:  “Ann Marie – ok, that is enough, give Knight some.”

She reluctantly, and slightly violently, gives Knight the lone water bottle.  To which he instantly starts guzzling.  To which then Ann Marie yells his name at the TOP of her lungs – which in a tightly confined vehicle bounces off every door, ceiling, and window to echo back into your ear equally as loud as the moment she screams his name.

Ann Marie: ” KNIGHT!!!!!!  DON’T DRINK IT ALL!!!!!!”

Now – I am yelling at Ann Marie not to yell.  Which is just stupid…. But I don’t really care cause damn it, I am gonna win this one!

I now grab the single water bottle which is nearly gone – and if I wasn’t so adverse to paying a ticket for a $500 littering charge would have thrown the damn thing out the window for sheer effect. Which being a mother of 5 (3 being grown humans), I know effect does one thing and one thing only…. make your kids laugh and cheer in delight inside at the power they have to mentally break down a perfectly sane adult.

Competition…..  Make a note on this one….


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